For the first time in 36 years I filed my own taxes. Man, was I spoiled.
Of course, the whole process is a foolish waste of time. First, you have to “gather your tax records”. (Gather? We aren’t talking about rosebuds here.)
I mean, you have already paid exorbitant prices all year, and then you have to suffer from your repressed memory. It is like testifying against your rapist.
Then you must “input your data.” I was happy—at first—that my Wizard would be handling the job. I pictured a little fellow in a pointy blue hat doing the work.
Wrong. Instead I got hundreds of screens asking arcane questions about whether I was a Native American Drumming Injury Survivor or a Retired Armenian Railroad Engineer.
Who cares? Well, it turns out for every bizarre question there is some voter or other who gets a special tax deal. These deals are called Loopholes.
So my Wizard tried to cram me through as many of these Loopholes as possible. If I qualify, I am supposed to be overcome with Joy. Then make a political donation or vote a certain way or feel good that the U.S. is sacrificing Marines in Afghanistan “so Mrs. Mohammed can vote.”
I didn’t, I won’t and it is time for the Marines and every other American in the Middle East to come home.
Today Congressman Paul Ryan rolled out his budget solution. Tax simplification is part of his plan. Sounds good to me.
But tax simplification will never happen. Too many elected elites are locking in their jobs with endless special tax deals. Loophole really means payola for votes.
My tax return and I are off to the Post Office—hopefully to beat the government shut down. I do not want my return to be “tardy”. Which would doubtless put me in the “detention” of an IRS audit.
Next year I am going for the free solar panels and the free electric car and maybe even the free heating duct replacement. After all, mine are pretty old.
It just makes so much sense, doesn’t it?
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